It’s The End Of The World (Yet Again)

Jack Sethwynson

As the world collectively sits on the edge of its couch, its anus clenched tightly enough to turn a lump of coal into a foul-smelling diamond, we are fortunate enough to witness yet another turning point in history as our glorious leaders once again try to remove the last shred of happiness from our lives. 

This time, Russia has invaded Ukraine. A crazy and deranged world leader has turned the military might of a global superpower against a small backwater country run by a comedian. This wouldn’t even make the news on a normal week, but for some reason it’s become the most important event in the entire known universe. 

When that happens, it leaves a thinking person with the impression that something isn’t quite right, so let’s explore what that might mean, purely for the purposes of entertainment and with no serious intent implied.

Putin is an idiot

Putin isn’t an idiot, and any explanation that revolves around the incompetence of a man who has not just successfully run a country for many years, but has done so against tremendous odds is a lazy, ignorant and misguided one. The West, on the other hand has demonstrated exactly the incompetence that they seem to be accusing everyone else of. As someone has quite rightly pointed out about Sleepy-Joe Biden, you couldn’t do this much damage to America unless you were intending to. Covid restrictions around Europe completely ignored the emergency pandemic plans, which didn’t include any restrictions on freedom, lockdowns or mandates, and their eventual solution proved to be utterly ineffective. How anyone involved still has a job is a subject of great bemusement.

So, if you want to sling accusations of stupidity around, perhaps you might want to check if your house is made of glass before you throw that stone?

Putin proves he can read - setting himself apart from many world leaders

Look over there...

A common tactic with our current media is to divert attention from the real issues by fabricating more newsworthy ones. They are not above starting a war in order to cover up their own misdeeds, and if you think that’s wrong, feel free to open a history book and check for yourself.  

What recent events have been fizzling away below the surface that might be important enough that a distraction might be warranted? Who knows, but I’m sure it has nothing to do with an Indian lab investigating Covid and discovering patented DNA tracts embedded in it with a Moderna fingerprint, suggesting that it was manufactured. I’m far less sure that this prompted the CEO of the company to ditch his Twitter account and shares and distance himself from the whole affair. 

I’m equally sure it has nothing to do with the recent rumours around the internet of leaked Pfizer documents that 43000 of the 45000 people in the stage 3 trials reported adverse symptoms to the vaccine including immune deficiency and cancer. 

If you’re wondering which vaccine, it’s the one that you’re meant to take multiple doses of but world leaders don’t. You know, the one where they kept threatening to take away your job, your life and your family if you didn’t submit to taking it; the one that caused world-wide riots and protests that culminated in Canada becoming a fascist state under Trudeau. 

Of course, it could also be something to do with the recent Maxwell trial, the one where literally hundreds of wealthy elites were accused of the most vile of crimes against humanity, on a holiday island set up to cater to their horrendous tastes. If you weren’t following the trial, that is understandable because the mainstream media chose to essentially ignore it and the legal system nicely covered it up, locked the files and actually protected the accused. 

Nothing to see here. 

The truth is there on the internet - but so are pictures of naked breasts, memes and free games.

Gas and hot air

Russia makes a regular habit of violating borders to expand its footprint. Perhaps it feels there isn’t enough misery in the world, or perhaps it just ran out of vodka, who can tell? But it’s a regular occurrence and happened under the watchful gaze of a slew of American presidents who were presumably too busy on private islands to notice. 

Donald Trump tried to step up local oil production so that America produced all the energy it needed in-house, dropping fuel prices and keeping Russia in check. Biden recklessly reversed all that, causing prices to sky-rocket and leading America to once again rely on its enemies for supplies. With Russia back in place, supplying their gas, Putin was emboldened.

Sanctions against Russia haven’t magically removed a single bullet but they have raised Europe’s fuel prices by 60%, even though the sanctions don’t directly stop the flow of gas—they have been careful to allow those sales to continue, they’ve just complicated payment methods. 

So the sanctions haven’t really crippled the Russian economy, they’ve simply moved the wealth from one place to another, stripping the holdings of the middle-class once again and putting the money back where it was, in the hands of the tiny percentage who somehow manoeuvered themselves into running things, with the elegant competence of a ballet-dancing elephant. 

While not as interesting, a picture of a Russian gas pipe is much easier to find than a ballet-dancing elephant


Removing Russia, selectively, from the SWIFT banking system has certainly destroyed the financial situation of the citizens living in the country, the ones protesting the war, trying to escape or just already struggling to feed their families. 

But does it really do anything more than push us one step closer to the ‘great reset?’ With the wealthy already getting doe-eyed as they speak of a wonderful new utopia where money will be replaced with a digital version of currency that’s programmable so they can factor out your freedom of choice. No sense banning guns when we can simply switch off your ability to buy bullets, and all that. Sadly this isn’t the plot of a poorly-written Hollywood teen movie, this is coming from the elites themselves who are now so emboldened that they think they can do or say anything without resistance. 

Maybe they can?

If only Bitcoin would get out of the way—nobody wants a free and unregulated economy where normal people can make choices for themselves. 

Totally unrelated image since the Western banking system is beyond reproach.

Smoke and mirrors

The Ukraine is too insignificant for this amount of publicity. We saw nothing on the news when Russia swallowed up Georgia, Belarus or any other of its previously independent neighbours, so something else might be driving this narrative. 

Reports on the ground, if you can be bothered to look beyond the media and into alternative sources, shows that captured Russian soldiers are just young boys sent on ‘manoeuvrers’ who found themselves in the Ukraine with no orders and no idea what they were doing. One viral video shows the destruction of a tank and, when the local freedom-fighters opened an ammo-box, they discovered it filled with rusty nails instead of bullets. It looks more like a psy-op than an invasion the more you look into it. 

Nothing particularly conspiratorial about that, you might say. Wars have always employed fear-tactics to destabilise an enemy, and that’s certainly true. It’s entirely possible that Putin really did expect the Ukraine to roll over and submit as soon as any tanks came rolling into their streets. It’s possible, it’s just unlikely. 

It’s as unlikely as the fact that nobody has taken the step to disrupt communications, and when the Ukrainian government had given the advice to their people of switching off their internet devices and removing the batteries to stop them from being tracked, Western billionaires started rolling in free satellite internet services. 

It looks less and less like theatre and more like a game of Stratego played by lunatic psychotics between doses of mood-stabilisers. 

Pictures of smoke or mirrors are incredibly dull so here's a picture of Iron Man.

Who the fuck knows?

So the Ukraine is too small and insignificant to garner this degree of attention. America especially is  governed on the principle that nobody else matters, and Europe has increasingly busied itself dealing with its own self-created issues. For all of these countries to come together in the interest of a small province, declaring sovereign status is an unlikely as it sounds.

What we do know for sure is that the whole world now has an excuse to prepare for war. Germany is spending 100 Billion Euros on equipping its armed forces and other countries throughout Europe are beginning to follow suit. 

America recently ordered a new wave of attack helicopters, all with reduced rotors with the intention of fighting between buildings. For the first time in decades, the US forces have begun adopting submachine-guns, a close-quarters weapon intended for urban conflict. 

So don’t worry. It seems like everything is going according to plan.

In Eastern Europe there is an old saying. ‘In times of war, the rich donate money and the poor give up their children. When peace returns, the rich collect their profits and the poor search for the graves of their sons.’ 

Once again it seems that the people of Ukraine are paying the price for the whims of the very wealthy. We don’t need sanctions, we need to finally see who the real enemies of humanity are. 


Who knows? I guess we'll find out...

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Rob is a ginger waiter who successfully fails at dating. Dave delivers towels. Join them on an adventure that might change the entire galaxy – but won’t – as they drink free beer and travel out to the edge of the known galaxy for reasons that barely seem worth mentioning.

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