Rob Gardner
What is that thing and are we sure it's alive?
Rob began life in the rough end of America in a town where, if the country had an enema, this is where they’d be sticking the hose. This suited him fine, of course, because he’s as classy as heating up pizzas on an electric radiator.
After a successful career in the media as an extra on various zombie movies, he joined Americas armed forces, where he served as something for the enemy to shoot at. Specialising in engineering, he still failed to learn how to drive anything with a manual gearbox, although the many times he crashed into cows in random fields suggest he wasn’t much good at driving anything without one either.
Some time between his military service and his more honest work as a drug-dealer he developed an interest in current affairs. His research led him to set up various Youtube channels which were shadow-banned due to him flying dangerously close to the truth and had nothing whatsoever to do with him posting softcore porn. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
He now works as a full time English teacher, which is hilarious, as well as writing vindictive articles about how much he hates pretty much everything. He is a big fan of Cyberpunk, porn, wasting his life playing video-games, accidentally getting women pregnant and moaning about how shit Star Wars has now become.
(Spoilers – It’s really shit.)
Fortunately, Rob will do basically anything for a dollar so we hired him to work for us. He has extensive literary experience, including signing birthday cards, reading the first two lines of eye-charts and searching through the index sections of websites for ‘special-interest’ content.
While not writing sharp and insightful content, he can be found wandering through the back alleys of the Cambodian capitol, picking fights with tuk-tuk drivers.