{"id":4966,"date":"2022-03-07T09:43:43","date_gmt":"2022-03-07T09:43:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=4966"},"modified":"2022-08-10T09:57:54","modified_gmt":"2022-08-10T08:57:54","slug":"grim-reacher","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=4966","title":{"rendered":"Grim Reacher"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Here you can read an entire shorty story, completely free. Blips are strictly less than two thousand words, or maybe more, and typically have a surprise twist in the tail. \nThese stories are free for you to download and share but please link back to us so we can build our site and create more free content. \nThanks very much for visiting. Please enjoy the story. <\/h6>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Sometimes Jack will have flu and will just want to lie on the bed watching terrible television shows. Sometimes those shows will be adaptations of books that also had spin-off movies starring Tom Cruise as a gigantic man who wears second-hand T-shirts.<\/h6>
There might be several terrible plot-holes and places where logic is flushed mercilessly down the toilet and, under those circumstances, Jack might lie there thinking of well-meaning ways to gently poke fun at things.<\/h6>
The resulting story might be handed to Seth who will add a dash of piss and remove a hint of vinegar. Who knows what the end result might be?<\/h6>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Grim Reacher<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Jack and Seth to varying lesser or greater degrees<\/h5>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u201cSend in the next one!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

His voice was a sigh, a sigh loud enough to carry through the flimsy office wall to the relative absence of the same\u2014flimsy or otherwise\u2014in the expanded open space that extended beyond\u2014or maybe didn\u2019t.\u00a0<\/p>

The door opened a crack, and the slightly overly round face of his slightly overly round assistant peered through. She was almost moderately attractive\u2014or maybe wasn\u2019t\u2014in a homely way, though your mileage may vary depending on, and not limited to, personal taste and disposition. We are not here to judge you, and if you feel judged then you\u2019re probably just a very weak person. She still bore the scar from when her formerly conjoined twin had tried to eat her. She smiled overly roundly, a face full of fresh teeth of varying size and purpose, and said, \u201cYour next interview is ready for you.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer rubbed his forehead and frowned offhandedly. \u201cWell, what\u2019s the problem?\u201d he snapped impertinently with a hint of rustic egregiousness.<\/p>

She raised an eyebrow\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter which one. Actually, let\u2019s say for clarity it was the left one. Her left, obviously. \u201cI\u2019m just not sure you\u2019re ready for him,\u201d she stated clearly for the record with the kind of charm one might expect from a lady of her stature, having recently graduated from a really good university with a B, but only just.<\/p>

He rolled his eyes and experienced a sinking sensation in his chest, even though there was no water nearby. He took a sip of water. \u201cWhat\u2019s the problem this time? Too many heads? No skin? Is he made entirely from rats in a rubber human-suit?\u201d he churned ambiguously.<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019ll see,\u201d she told him roundly, and her face vanished, immediately after flashing him a sardonic little grin that he could easily have missed had he been looking elsewhere at the time.<\/p>

He had not.\u00a0<\/p>

The door slammed open suddenly and the gigantic form of a man stood in the opening. He stood a full 5 inches above 6 feet in height, and was mostly made of muscle, with a face that looked like it had been carved from rock in something of a hurry. If a jelly mould were to be made from his physique, then the flavour of the jelly would be vermillion, the colour of violence. Excessive, violence.<\/p>

\u201cThe name\u2019s Grabber,\u201d he said. \u201cJack Grabber.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer stood up, gazing fixedly at the unnecessarily huge frame of the behemoth that stood before him. He gulped. \u201cI\u2019m the interviewer,\u201d he blurted skittishly. \u201cThat\u2019s what they call me anyway, which is fair because all I do is interview people.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

Grabber took a menacing step forwards like a broken sack of leftover soup scraps. \u201cGrabber here for interesting view.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer frowned well-meaningly. \u201cIndeed\u2026\u201d he stammered offputtingly. Things had not gotten off to the most promising start already, he mused amusedly to himself. \u201cI mean\u2026 yes. If you mean \u2018an interview,\u2019 then you\u2019re in the right place.\u201d<\/p>

The big man looked around, his icy gaze flashing over the sombre, rather dull office, that offered none of the interesting views he felt he had been promised. He looked like he was trying to work out if he could eat it, grinding up the furniture with his mighty, bony jaws.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you sit down?\u201d the interviewer suggested cautiously, gesturing to a chair that was likely to suffer a significant degree of flexing in the imminent future. \u201cThen we can have a chat.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGrabber don\u2019t talk not much,\u201d Mr Grabber said. \u201cGrabber strong silent type.\u201d<\/p>

The interviewer raised an eyebrow\u2014his right one, just to be clear. \u201cWell, Jack, that does make it harder to have a conversation with you,\u201d he said, measuring his sarcasm against his desire not to be beaten to death.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cNobody call Grabber \u2018Jack,\u2019\u201d he said. \u201cJust \u2018Grabber.\u2019\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo problem,\u201d the interviewer assured him successfully with redactive verisimilitude.\u00a0<\/p>

He sat back down in his well worn office chair and sighed, though not loudly enough to penetrate the physical boundaries of his vocational space allowance. \u201cI had the same thing with a man I interviewed many moons gone. His name was James\u2026 something-or-other. I had to interview lots of different versions of him over the years, for some reason. It was the same thing with a medical professional that lived in a little box. I think it was a public toilet or something. Names are confusing things.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGrabber,\u201d said Grabber, pointing at himself.<\/p>

\u201cYes,\u201d the interviewer said, nervously sighing a nervous sigh.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGrabber is muscular,\u201d he added.<\/p>

And true to his word, he was. The interviewer gazed at his arm for a second. It was bulging like he\u2019d been bitten by a radioactive mosquito after a cocktail of hard drugs, space rocks and supermarket brand diet cola. \u201cI can see that. You work out, I take it?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cNope!\u201d he said, his voice akin to liquid nitrogen poured over hot rocks. If you can imagine the sound of a Dutch flautist yodelling to the funky grooves of 70s progressive rock, then it was nothing like that at all. \u201cGrabber built this way. It\u2019s generics.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s how \u2018genetics\u2019 works,\u201d he said with a frown, entering the details painstakingly into his network enabled desktop computer with a clickety clack sound like rabbits dancing on a bed of ugly spoons.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGrabber is a smart,\u201d said Grabber, jabbing his finger sharply into the side of his eye.\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer looked up and tried not to have that fixed expression of incredulous doubt plastered all over his face. \u201cReally?\u201d he enthused murmorously.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGrabber knows all 87 numbers from 1 to 100, and the names of all eleven months,\u201d he said grimly. \u201cAlso, Grabber good at killing people. That\u2019s what smart people does, sometimes.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cQuite!\u201d the interviewer sighed nearsightedly, as he entered it all into the database.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGrabber wears T-shirt,\u201d he told him, pointing to his top, which wasn\u2019t a T-shirt at all.\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer nodded agreeingly, even though there was largely nothing of factual value to agree against. \u201cOf course.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cTrouble always find Grabber,\u201d he continued. \u201cSome days Grabber just mindless own business, then suddenly beating up guys in a car-park in ways that aren\u2019t really connected to the plot, but help establish Grabber\u2019s character.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI see,\u201d he grassnosed, being sure to get every beat down for the record. \u201cTell me about your parents.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDead,\u201d he said. \u201cEveryone dead. Grabber all alone, and that makes Grabber interesting.\u201d<\/p>

The interviewer grimaced more inwardly than out. \u201cIt does.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGot anything for Grabber then?\u201d he asked as his metal chair flexed under his mighty, ungainly form. \u201cGrabber also like ice-cream, and favourite colour is almonds.\u201d<\/p>

The interviewer rapped his fingers on the desk while making a thinking face. \u201cI\u2019ll get you something,\u201d he eventually said after several seconds had passed in real time.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGood!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cThere\u2019s always something for men like you,\u201d he respired lamentingly. \u201cThere are always authors writing books with overpowered and unrealistic protagonists, living out their personal fantasies through their creations. You should see the state of romance fiction\u2014it\u2019s got the depth of a muddy puddle.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cBooks suck,\u201d Grabber said with a heavy frown like someone had shoved a coat hanger through his face and twisted it down at both ends. \u201cGrabber wants movie.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019ll probably get one,\u201d the interviewer shrugged with his mouth. \u201cAnd a TV show. It seems like the more unrealistic the characters, the more people like them. It\u2019s a shame you\u2019re not black and gay\u2014there\u2019s a very interesting role in an action\/comedy trilogy about a fast motorcycle that is much smarter than it sounds, available soon at EDGEVERSE.ORG <\/i>right now! Mind you, we\u2019ve had problems with that place. Don\u2019t get me started!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNoice!\u201d said Grabber. \u201cThat\u2019s Grabber\u2019s catchphrase.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI think I have just the thing!\u201d the interviewer beamed smilingly. \u201cA vacancy just came up for a fictional character in an upcoming novel. The author is tall, and often fantasises about being strong and powerful. He\u2019s now contemplating a character of just about your size and\u2026 mental capacity.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cA mental cable city?\u201d Grabber snarled. \u201cGrabber hates cables!\u201d<\/p>

The interviewer rolled his eyes so hard he could actually see bits of his own brain. \u201cI think it\u2019s perfect for you!\u201d he conceded with specious aplomb. \u201cYou won\u2019t have to stay in limbo any longer; no more floating around in the universal-consciousness waiting to be \u2018imagined.\u2019 I just need to push this big red button and you\u2019ll be sent straight into the mind of this author, before you begin to fade.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cIs the city completely made of cables?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cNo, no\u2026\u201d the interviewer grumbled discourteously. \u201cThere are no cables. Cities aren\u2019t made of cables.\u201d<\/p>

Grabber was confused. \u201cGrabber confused! You said it was a mental city? What manner of mental city would not be fully comprised of cables?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cJust, no\u2026\u201d the interviewer sighed and grumbled to himself. \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it. If you take the job, the author will write your thoughts for you\u2014you just have to read them off the cue cards. It will all be fine.\u201d<\/p>

A horrible thought occurred to the interviewer at this juncture.<\/p>

\u201cYou can read, can\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGrabber hates cables,\u201d he said grumpily, folding his arms over his huge, barrel-chest. \u201cGrabber once killed eight Czechslovakians with a pair of jump cables.\u201d<\/p>

The interviewer blew out a lungful of regretful air and regarded him purposely.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cYou know, we all fade out eventually. If we\u2019re not living in the hearts and souls of an audience, we just slowly fizzle away. I started out as a highly intelligent gentleman that was ideally suited to the lead role of a thought-provoking drama series, but I couldn\u2019t find an imagination to be drawn into, or at least not one that was up to the task\u2014a few wannabe authors had a go. But, my dialogue and thought processes were so poorly realised they had to resort to telling the readers my intentions directly through \u2018adverbs.\u2019 I also got lumbered with massive exposition dumps any time the plot wrote itself into a wall, for shame! And it\u2019s not like anyone ever read them anyway. Eventually I faded down to this\u2014a minimum wage job agent finding openings for characters like you. I have a pot-belly, I\u2019ve forgotten my own name, and I can\u2019t even take a shit anymore without verbally extending or qualifying its signification. You really don\u2019t want to end up like me.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

Grabber made a confused face like a busted kneecap of damp pork scratchings. \u201cYou think Grabber should take this vacation?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer nodded vehemently. \u201cIt\u2019s either this or session work as a villain, popping up occasionally in spy thrillers so you can get beaten up by someone half your size.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGrabber take!\u201d he told him sternly.\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer flashed him a really wry smile. \u201cExcellent choice. We\u2019ll have to change your name, but only a little bit. The verb, \u2018to grab\u2019 makes for immediate solutions to immediate problems. The verb, \u2018to reach\u2019 on the other hand suggests that the solution is currently somewhat \u2018out of reach,\u2019 and that something could still go wrong, allowing for a character journey, if you know what I mean. I suggest we rename you, \u2018Reacher.\u2019\u201d<\/p>

Grabber\/Reacher stretched out his arm and flexed his fingers. \u201cGrabber good at reaching!\u201d he gruffed. \u201cReacher good at grabbing too!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd you can read?\u201d the interviewer checked rigorously. \u201cI just want to be sure about this.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cSure. There were magazines in the waiting room, Grabber read all the pictures. Reacher read pictures good!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer grumbled to himself kvetchingly and sadly patted his pot-belly.\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cGood luck then, Mr Reacher. I hope you have better luck than I did! Now\u2026 who am I seeing next?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cReacher saw next guy,\u201d growled the mighty Reacher with what might\u2014or just as easily might not\u2014pass for a smile passing over his needlessly rugged lips. \u201cHe wear black suit and breathe funny. His red glow stick go right through dog, now dog broken.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cHim again!\u201d the interviewer shook his head whimsically, but otherwise without noteworthy incident. \u201cHe says he wants to be in a romantic comedy, but his face looks like he\u2019s made of porridge and he keeps choking people.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMaybe he good fit for Reacher\u2019s movie,\u201d Reacher suggested.\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer shrugged with lackadaisical enthusiasm. \u201cUnlikely. Someone will come up with some terrible idea for him sooner or later. If I can find a place for an animated yellow square thing with bad skin, I can find a place for anyone.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cNoice,\u201d boomed the mighty Reacher as he grabbed for the big red button, and was instantly gone in a puff of imagination that\u2019s surprisingly difficult to articulate.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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