{"id":4662,"date":"2025-04-08T01:11:00","date_gmt":"2025-04-08T00:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=4662"},"modified":"2025-04-23T03:50:06","modified_gmt":"2025-04-23T02:50:06","slug":"yensid-productions-a-new-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=4662","title":{"rendered":"Yensid Productions – A new voice"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Yensid Productions - A New Voice\n<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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A.P. Shillinson and Seth Cashwin<\/h5>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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At Edgeverse, we are at the very forefront of the latest sci-fi and movie-related news. We shilled pretty hard and were given a scoop from new studio, Yensid, who are working on a number of properties, many ripe for reboots \u2013 who doesn\u2019t love a reboot?<\/p>

Yensid is a conglomerate formed of the best new talent meshed with the wisdom and experience of seasoned professionals, they say. It\u2019s kind of like Luke pairing up with Obi-Wan only nobody is getting their arms cut off (although nobody would go on record to say categorically that arms were absolutely definitely not going to get severed.)<\/p>

To keep male toxicity at an absolute minimum, CEO Johnny Johnson has agreed to have non-gendered bathrooms, wear a rainbow pin at all creative meetings, and have his penis surgically removed. Diversity hire, J.J. S (who identifies as the shadow of a rare kind of Tibetan horse) has a lot to contribute. Johnson commented, \u201cOnce we figure out what language they\/them speak, we\u2019re totally convinced that he\/him\/she\/her\/it\/they\u2019ll be able to drive our vision forwards, etc.\u201d<\/p>

So let\u2019s have a look at the latest projects of our favourite new production company and see what this fantastically progressive studio is planning.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Johnson said, \u201cWe feel that the time is right for another Spiderman reboot so we\u2019re in negotiations with Sony and Marvel to acquire the rights to the character. We sent a box of muffins to both companies, so we\u2019re pretty confident of our chances.\u201d<\/p>

We said, \u201cThat sounds great!\u201d<\/p>

Johnson nodded. \u201cWe\u2019re taking it right back to an origin story because there just isn\u2019t enough of those. We feel that the character lacks sufficient diversity, having only been represented as a White male of various ages, a female, a young man of colour and a pig. We think it\u2019s time to smash the glass-ceiling and finally embrace modern views of diversity and do something genuinely new. It\u2019s time for Spiderman to be represented by equality itself.\u201d<\/p>

We didn\u2019t understand this and said, \u201cWow. That sounds perfect!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThrough the new reboot there will just be a Spiderman suit \u2013 perhaps made by actual spiders \u2013 that\u2019s both small enough for a normal person and large enough for a an equally normal person of gigantic normal proportions and would be ideal for males, females and the whole spectrum of people who don\u2019t understand the basic tenets of human biology. Finally, Spiderman is truly diverse because he can be anyone.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut won\u2019t he really be no-one?\u201d we said.<\/p>

Johnson just shrugged and said, \u201cDiversity!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Spiderman has never been diverse enough but a box of muffins should sort that right out...<\/figcaption>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Who doesn\u2019t love science-fiction, huge character-driven stories set against a background of subtle effects that convince the audience that they are looking into a different world?<\/p>

Yensid is in negotiations to bring Arthur C. Clarke\u2019s classic story of discovery of alien life, \u2018Rendezvous with Rama\u2019 to the small screen. Johnson said, \u201cObviously the toxic White male crew will be replaced with a more diverse representative conglomeration of blended miximacation. Nobody wants to see accurate depictions of stories anymore so we will change it to fit into more modern modality of post-progessive neon-corporate champion progressive virtue sausages.\u201d<\/p>

When pressed he would only say \u2018miximication\u2019 several more times and chuckle to himself.<\/p>

He also said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got strong ideas about how to represent our visual visionary vision on a television budget ,which will include, inclusively the use of cardboard cutouts and Vaseline on the lenses of the cameras on our phones. After the success of \u2018Game of Thrones\u2019, we\u2019re also going to throw in some swords and naked women. Diversity. Minorities. We\u2019re also considering moving the setting from a gigantic alien spacecraft to a forest in Arkansas. We feel it\u2019s what the audience really wants from us in these modern times.\u201d<\/p>

We asked, \u201cWould a woman be in charge of the ship? Ideally a woman of colour, preferably with a differently abled ability to able differently? And she really should be a lesbian.\u201d<\/p>

Johnson smiled slyly and said, \u201cThat\u2019s all been done. We\u2019re going further still. What social group is more neglected that any other? Yes, that\u2019s right, ginger people. We\u2019re going to make every character ginger, even \u2013 and perhaps most excitingly \u2013 the bald ones.\u201d<\/p>

It sounds amazing!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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What finer setting could there be for a science-fiction series set on an alien space-ship? Just throw in some swords and we're good to go!<\/figcaption>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Johnson said, \u201cYes, we\u2019re all dreadfully excited about this one. The Batwoman television show has made great strides in pushing the genre to the very edge, but we can go even further.<\/p>

\u201cWe don\u2019t have the rights to the really actual Batman but we\u2019ve made out own version of the character who\u2019s distinctly unique for legally legal reasons. We\u2019ve taken the iconic elements and we\u2019re bringing to the screen our own uniquely distinct version.\u201d<\/p>

As we were counting our bribe we said enthusiastically, \u201cTell us more!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI will tell you more,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cThe problems with Batman are the \u2018bat\u2019 and the \u2018man\u2019 elements. We\u2019ve factored those out to craft a new hero for the modern age. We got rid of the whole \u2018bat\u2019 symbol as we felt it was racist against anything that wasn\u2019t a bat and we had him represented by a more progressive symbol. Our hero now uses the symbol of a small piece of cheese. We considered a cucumber but it was considered too masculine because of the shape, although the colour tested well. The genius of the cheese is that everyone likes cheese. Just to be sure, we\u2019re using mozzarella because it\u2019s bland and tasteless, just like \u2018Batwoman\u2019.<\/p>

\u201cIt goes without saying that we can\u2019t have a man because men offend everyone that isn\u2019t a man. We went further and decided it couldn\u2019t be a woman because that might offend men who want to be women. In the end we came up with an elegant solution.\u201d<\/p>

We needed to know more. \u201cTell us more!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOur hero is simply cheese! We factored out the bat and the man and simply had a block of cheese as our central character. We even made it supermarket mozzarella, none of that fancy stuff made from real milk because that\u2019s problematic to vegans. This is basically just a lump of plastic.<\/p>

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t use violence to solve crimes, it just sits by, acknowledging that it\u2019s the socio-economic situation that causes the disparity between overt aggression and victimhood so it makes the world a better place by just listening.
\u201cLike Batperson, it has special gadgets. It\u2019s got a utility belt stuffed with tools, such as smiling emoticons and the ability to really listen to the opinions of diverse voices.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt sounds thrilling,\u201d we said while stuffing the money into our pockets. \u201cWhat else are you working on? Do you have anything original?\u201d<\/p>



<\/p>

\u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Their new hero will be an expert in listening to diverse voices...<\/figcaption>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Johnson said, \u201cWe have another glass ceiling to smash. We\u2019re working on a detective in a wheelchair. They have to solve crimes without the use of their legs. It will be like no other that\u2019s ever been seen before.\u201d<\/p>

We replied, \u201cLike Ironside?\u201d<\/p>

Johnson shrugged and said, \u201cOur detective will be unable to walk due to massive healthy obesity. They won\u2019t catch criminals because that\u2019s offensive these days, in fact we\u2019re looking at making them an ex-police officer who lost their job to defunding in a glorious Socialist utopia.<\/p>

\u201cInstead they\u2019ll get to the root of crimes, like how it\u2019s all the fault of a particular group of people whose great, great, great grandfathers heavily invested in terrible crimes against humanity.\u201d<\/p>

We frowned and said, \u201cWouldn\u2019t that be anti-semetic?\u201d<\/p>

Johnson frowned at us. \u201cOf course, we\u2019re shedding off the horrible imperialist, colonialist ideas that a detective has to be intelligent, because that\u2019s not progressive. Intelligence sure as heck didn\u2019t get us where we are today! Our detective is just a detective because they want to be. What could be more inclusive that that?
\u201cIn fact, that\u2019s why I\u2019m a CEO of a production company!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo it\u2019s just a morbidly obese person eating ice-cream?\u201d we suggested with a shrug.<\/p>

Johnson nodded. \u201cIt was going to be sticks of butter, but I like the way you think.\u201d<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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This will be nothing like Ironside. <\/figcaption>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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So, new studio Yensid has some great ideas about how to push things into the next century, even though MIT is predicting the end of civilisation within the next 20 years. But who cares, if we can watch really quality programming like this?<\/p>

Bring it on, Johnson!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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