{"id":2999,"date":"2021-08-27T15:33:08","date_gmt":"2021-08-27T14:33:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=2999"},"modified":"2022-06-30T06:37:52","modified_gmt":"2022-06-30T05:37:52","slug":"the-chicken-and-the-green-banana","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=2999","title":{"rendered":"The Chicken and the Green Banana"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"2999\" class=\"elementor elementor-2999\" data-elementor-settings=\"{&quot;ha_cmc_init_switcher&quot;:&quot;no&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-40132cda elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"40132cda\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_ha_eqh_enable&quot;:false}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-32f5d530\" data-id=\"32f5d530\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-1b6f5774 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1b6f5774\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_ha_eqh_enable&quot;:false}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1ccc05fa\" data-id=\"1ccc05fa\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-57bac432 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"57bac432\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h6 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Here you can read an entire short story, completely free. Blips are strictly less than two thousand words, or maybe more, and typically have a surprise twist in the tail. \nThese stories are free for you to download and share but please link back to us so we can build our site and create more free content. \nThanks very much for visiting. Please enjoy the story. <\/h6>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a48ceba elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"7a48ceba\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-6225d54c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6225d54c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;_ha_eqh_enable&quot;:false}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-61e9a933\" data-id=\"61e9a933\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6d773bc9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"6d773bc9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"423\" src=\"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/whiskey-315178_640.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium_large size-medium_large wp-image-3002\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/whiskey-315178_640.jpg 640w, http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/whiskey-315178_640-300x198.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-4c3756ab\" data-id=\"4c3756ab\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-236c0ca5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"236c0ca5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\"><span style=\"font-family: Liberation Serif, serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This Blip came about after someone in a Podcast dared Jack to write a story around a certain title and, like the over-confident idiot he is, he promised not only to do it but to have it up on the site that same day. Well \u2013 here it is. <br \/>If any lawyers for the BBC are here and think there\u2019s something vaguely familiar about this story I would suggest they were wrong. Probably.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e43d1c2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"e43d1c2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-50b79c5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"50b79c5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h6 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=mF7_4-SLs9Q\" target=\"_blank\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=mF7_4-SLs9Q<\/a><\/h6>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6a5dc59f elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"6a5dc59f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5f7a8da3 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"5f7a8da3\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">The Chicken and the Green Banana<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-759b027b elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"759b027b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2be20ec7 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"2be20ec7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h5 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">A.P. Atkinson<\/h5>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3ad61c4e elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"3ad61c4e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e55d7db elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e55d7db\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">\u201cDid I ever tell you about the time I visited the \u2018Nebulous\u2019 while travelling around the known universe in my time-machine?\u201d Grimly was the way she asked, shuddering inwards at the dark memories that the strong, brown liquid chased around her befuddled brain. There was slurring \u2013 quite considerable slurring.<\/p><p class=\"western\">The man on the stool next to him gazed out into space as myriad stars seemed to tumble lazily past the window of the great starship. \u201cYes,\u201d he replied with a sigh. \u201cYou tell me every night, right around the time you take your fourteenth drink.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">The Doctor shook her head sadly, her short, unattractive hair cascading gently around her needlessly diverse shoulders. \u201cThen I\u2019ll tell you!\u201d she told him.<\/p><p class=\"western\">He sighed, more loudly. \u201cNobody cares about your stories,\u201d he told her, looking away. \u201cEveryone stopped listening when you were that Scottish guy.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cExactly!\u201d she said, raising her voice and holding up her finger before her slightly pink eyes. \u201cAnd that\u2019s the problem!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">He grimaced to himself, somewhat certain the problem was sitting right next to him.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI hadn\u2019t meant to end up on the Nebulous,\u201d she began. \u201cIt was a hilarious accident that made me materialise on board the vessel, way back in the year 2333, or thereabouts.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She paused for effect, sipping at a glass of space-whisky, which was the same as normal whisky, only it was produced by genetically engineering a special kind of broccoli that altered the urine in a special kind of dog. The urine from the dog was fed to a special kind of elephant\u2014one that was confused about whether it was the kind that came from Africa or India, and had to be suffering from clinical depression brought on from gender-dysphoria. The tears of the elephant were collected under the light of the full moon by naked gorillas, but gorillas that had been raised by Russian alcoholics with Victorian English values, which made the act emotionally troubling for them. Those tears were given in payment to Malcolm Stevens, a middle-aged man from Shropshire who made really awful whisky in hundreds of old prison toilets. Nobody was quite sure what he did with the tears, or why he wanted them. The world government had a meeting about it and decided it was probably better not to ask.<\/p><p class=\"western\">The name \u2018space\u2019 was then added because nobody living anywhere with a nearby super-market would actually drink it. The economy of the future was a silly thing.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou know, the space-whisky you\u2019re drinking isn\u2019t actually made that way?\u201d he told her.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cOh my space-god!\u201d she exclaimed, looking at him and widening her eyes suddenly. She looked like a poor actor trying to convey a subtle range of emotions, but came across more like someone had slipped a very cold finger into her anus. \u201cIt\u2019s like you\u2019re inside my head!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo, it\u2019s just that you say the same thing every single time,\u201d he said wearily. \u201cFor the record, my name is Malcolm Stevens and I don\u2019t make space-whisky.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She looked at him unwaveringly, staring deeply into his soul. \u201cYou\u2019re the man who makes space-whisky?!\u201d she said in surprise.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cSure,\u201d he said with a weary shrug. \u201cWhy not? And you have a time-machine and are really an alien from another planet.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI am,\u201d she said, taking another brain-rotting sip. \u201cDid I ever tell you that I once visited a ship called, \u2018The Nebulous\u2019?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">He sighed and rolled his eyes. \u201cDid you?\u201d he grumbled.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Her eyes darkened. \u201cThere was a man there called, \u2018Dave\u2019!\u201d she continued.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Malcolm, who definitely didn\u2019t make space-whisky, repeated, \u201cDave Brown. Yes, you told us about him!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She turned to gaze into his eyes. \u201cBut, did I tell you what he did?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYes,\u201d Malcolm said. \u201cRepeatedly.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThen I will tell you just one more time.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou told me that repeatedly as well,\u201d he said, rubbing his temples. \u201cYou know, there\u2019s probably no such thing as Dave Brown.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She snapped up excitedly, as far as her grasp on human expression would allow. It looked like a bored attention-seeker was simply reading an instruction to be emotional from a poorly-written script, but it more or less made the point. \u201cThen how do you explain that such a thing does exist?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">Malcolm sipped on a glass of slightly yellow liquid that had never had anything to do with elephants, gorillas, dogs or any other silliness. This was almost pure ethanol squeezed right out of a fermented potato, as nature intended. \u201cYou got me there,\u201d he said with a tired raising of his eyebrows.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWhy don\u2019t I tell you what happened?\u201d she said, sipping at the last dregs of her glass of space-whisky and swallowing hard. It was very important to drink it within three minutes, before the glass dissolved. You didn\u2019t want to be drinking melted glass in the future as your ejected spleen could easily block the space-toilets. The legal ramifications didn\u2019t bear thinking about.<\/p><p class=\"western\">His eyes rolled so hard that there was a not insignificant risk of brain-damage. After composing himself he said, \u201cSure. Why not\u2026?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\"><br \/><br \/><\/p><p class=\"western\">Dave Brown entered the office without asking and sat down on a couch, making himself as comfortable as possible.<\/p><p class=\"western\">She couldn\u2019t help but notice that he didn\u2019t seem as uncomfortable as most of the people who came into her office.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI\u2019m not as uncomfortable as most of the people who come into your office,\u201d he said.<\/p><p class=\"western\">She opened her mouth to speak, but he had evidently beaten her to it. She was confused and was about to become many hundreds of times more so.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cIt\u2019s not that I don\u2019t care\u2026\u201d he said, and then paused for a moment to ruffle his brow thoughtfully. \u201cActually, I don\u2019t know why I said that. The fact that I don\u2019t care is exactly the reason.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She frowned and checked her records. \u201cI see you\u2019re here for sensitivity counselling,\u201d she commented, noticing the eight thousand, four hundred\u2014give or take\u2014infractions of company policy he had made since last Tuesday. This was definitely a bad time for them to have frozen all her overtime payments.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cAm I?\u201d he said with a grin. \u201cI couldn\u2019t remember what this one was. Is it for the time I asked a passenger out on a date and offered to have her husband killed after she explained she was married?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cDear god!\u201d she said in shocked surprise. Running an eye over the appalling list of infractions, she said more evenly, \u201cAccording to this, you did that eighty three times today.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cEighty four!\u201d he corrected pointedly. \u201cBy the way, are you married?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She narrowed her eyes and glared at him accusingly, like a mother would when scolding a naughty overgrown adult child.<\/p><p class=\"western\">He sat up a little, shuffling in his seat. \u201cMy mother used to give me that look after one of her \u2018dates\u2019 if I didn\u2019t return the right amount of change. She had a lot of dates after my dad stopped coming home. She quickly learned that those kinds of looks only work on people who care about them.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cAre you a quick learner?\u201d he added.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI am not!\u201d she snapped. Realising her mistake she snapped again, more forcefully, \u201cI am,\u201d which rather implied the opposite.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cSo why do we need sensitivity counselling on a space-ship?\u201d he asked. \u201cI mean, aren\u2019t we all grown up enough now to realise that other people\u2019s opinions have no real bearing on our self-image, unless we\u2019re the pathetically weak, and emotionally useless husks that we are, are we not?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWe most certainly are not!\u201d she exclaimed forcefully.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cAh!\u201d Dave said, nodding as if he now realised the error of his ways. \u201cSo some people are crazy and I have to be modified to accommodate their lack of grasp on reality, by someone with an even more tenuous grasp on reality.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cDon\u2019t you want to be sensitive?\u201d she asked more softly, growing increasingly puzzled.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI\u2019m <i>very<\/i> sensitive!\u201d he told her earnestly. \u201cLast week I was on a date with a girl from the navigation department. Her personnel record said she had a poor relationship with her step-father, so I made a point of meeting her in the bar after work!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cDear god!\u201d she said. \u201cHow did you even get to see her personnel record?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI was also dating a girl from personnel,\u201d he said, as though such a question were ridiculous. \u201cShe\u2019s one of those girls that you look at and think, \u2018There\u2019s no way that, before she\u2019ll let you do anything, this girl likes being tied up with rope, covered in whipped-cream and have rap-lyrics shouted at her aggressively for hours while her feet are dipped into a bowl of angry fish.\u2019 But it turns out that that\u2019s very much not the case. Do you know the sort?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cDear god!\u201d she gasped. \u201cI don\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">Dave grinned sheepishly. \u201cOh, I do. It turns out I\u2019m a terrible rapper, not very good at tying knots, have a mild allergy to whipped cream and don\u2019t get on well with fish. Mind you, she said that was only fair because I wasn\u2019t any good at what came after either. I don\u2019t know what she was talking about\u2014I had a great time!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She whimpered softly, \u201cBut\u2026 sensitivity\u2026\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI\u2019m getting to that,\u201d Dave told her insensitively. \u201cBefore my date with the navigation girl, who had a name which I\u2019m legally not allowed to repeat for legal reasons, and practically not able to for beer reasons, I had a shower. Mostly.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cSensitivity\u2026\u201d she whispered, her eyes looking very close to expelling tears of pure self-pity.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI showered! That\u2019s the height of sensitivity and possibly the reason my father left.\u201d he said again. \u201cI always shower before dates. After dates, the girl who was dumb enough to go out with me usually wants to shower. More frequently she wants to visit the ship\u2019s clinic, and for me to sign a legal non-disclosure document. I carry them around with me now and got myself qualified as a notary. It\u2019s a smart way of paying for dinner, I find.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo\u2026!\u201d she squeaked, the word preceded by a strange croaking sound coming from the back of her throat.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Because he clearly never knew when to stop, he continued, \u201cSo, have you ever dreamed of a date with a very mediocre-looking towel delivery expert, who has convinced himself he\u2019s stunningly handsome until the entire crew has just wearily given up and agreed to go along with it, who actually isn\u2019t very good at delivering towels and spends most of his time wandering around extorting money from the passengers?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">Even more weakly, she squeaked, \u201c\u2026No\u2026!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThat\u2019s a relief!\u201d he said with a beaming smile. \u201cI don\u2019t find you in the least bit attractive. It\u2019s not that you\u2019re not attractive\u2026\u201d He rolled his eyes thoughtfully, clearly giving it a good thinking-about. \u201cActually, I don\u2019t know why I said that\u2026\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She shook her head and gazed forwards into oblivion, her mouth lolling open in surprised horror. \u201cHow are you\u2026\u201d she said, the words melting into the very same oblivion.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI don\u2019t know how, specifically, but I have a certificate,\u201d he said. \u201cI will have three actually, when I\u2019ve finished the one I\u2019m making with crayons. The others were giving to me by doctors because my brain isn\u2019t right, or something. I don\u2019t know how these things work.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou\u2019re crazy?\u201d she suggested, a hopeful expression daring to flash across her face.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cOne of us has to be, right?\u201d He smiled knowingly. He looked her up and down as if working out the answer to a question nobody would ever dream of asking. \u201cYou\u2019re not a doctor, are you?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo,\u201d she admitted, desperately trying to take back control over the situation. It was not going to be a worthwhile use of her time.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI can tell, because you\u2019re not a man,\u201d Dave told her very matter-of-factly in an even tone that would have disarmed an emotionally-charged gorilla, no matter how confused it was about its current state of dress.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Her mouth opened but nothing came out.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cDoctors are all men, you see,\u201d Dave reasoned.<\/p><p class=\"western\">She snapped, almost angrily, \u201cWomen can be doctors!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cCan they?\u201d he asked curiously, rubbing his chin. \u201cAnd yet I was right that you weren\u2019t one. How strange.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo. But. But\u2026\u201d she began. <br \/>\u201cTo be fair,\u201d he began. \u201cAll the doctors could be the same one doctor for all I know. Men all basically look the same to me and I\u2019ve only ever met the one on this ship. There was another one who frequently examined me when I came aboard, but I later found him cleaning the floors and he was licking the handle of his broom quite suggestively. I was a little aroused, if I\u2019m honest and took a broom to my last three dates.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThey do?\u201d she asked curiously, slightly relieved that he hadn\u2019t said something more dramatically chauvinistic. \u201cMen all look the same?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThey\u2019re a lot like women in that respect,\u201d he told her, dashing the very last lingering hopes she might have.<\/p><p class=\"western\">She squeaked a hollow sound.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou should be a doctor!\u201d he suggested.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cShould I?\u201d she said emptily, her eyes glassy, her voice a monotonous drone.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo!\u201d he told her with a sudden burst of enthusiasm. \u201cYou should be <i>The<\/i> Doctor, whatever that means!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201c<i>The<\/i> Doctor?\u201d she frowned curiously, just taking it all in as her brain struggled to make sense of any of this.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThe one on the ship is pretty useless. He once diagnosed me with an advanced case of sociopathy with narcissistic tendencies, when it\u2019s clear I\u2019m suffering from paranoid-stupidity.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThat\u2019s a thing\u2026\u201d she said, almost managing to make it sound like a question.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou actually lasted a little longer than him, I\u2019m impressed. You would make a great doctor. He ended up being demoted to the cleaning department, which\u2026 now that I think about it\u2026\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI\u2019m not qualified,\u201d she told him.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Dave waved his hand dismissively. \u201cWas President Biden qualified?\u201d he asked, using a time-honoured joke that had somehow endured for several centuries and was still, to this\/that day, used by people with such a weak grasp on history that he earnestly believed that America had been founded by people who believed in freedom from taxation. \u201cYou can be anything you want to be!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cBut\u2026\u201d she began, haltingly.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou want to be The Doctor, don\u2019t you?\u201d he asked, suddenly seeming to take all this somewhat seriously. \u201cDon\u2019t you!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI\u2026 guess\u2026\u201d she muttered.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWell, that\u2019s decided, Doctor!\u201d he said. He checked her name on her desk. \u201cPoppins,\u201d he read thoughtfully. \u201cDoctor Karen Poppins.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNo?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cIt\u2019s dreadful,\u201d he told her. \u201cI\u2019d just tell everyone you\u2019re \u2018The Doctor\u2019 and leave it at that. Just wear something stupid, act like a self-serving arsehole and everyone will just accept it.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWill they?\u201d she said, frowning curiously.<\/p><p class=\"western\">He grinned and pointed to himself, nodding proudly. \u201cIt will add a much-needed air of mystery and give you some of that attention you look like you\u2019re desperately craving.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cOK,\u201d she said, sounding very much more confused than she\u2019d ever felt in her entire life. \u201cBut, this doesn\u2019t make sense.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWhat ever does make sense? This whole thing could be a pocket universe, pushed out of mainstream reality so it now only manifests in the imagination of a sentient brick, and only exists when read about in a fictional account in a different pocket universe. Who knows how these things work? You could be an immortal alien for all we know. You could have a time-machine and fly around saving monsters. Being the first female Doctor will certainly be more fun than sitting behind that big blue desk of yours. The universe is a silly place \u2013 imagine bigger.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She frowned to herself, rubbing her temples. \u201cShould I be writing this down?\u201d she asked.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cToo late!\u201d he told her. \u201cAnd I usually forget what I said within seconds of saying it. It avoids the need for an understanding of the concept of guilt, I find.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cRight,\u201d she nodded, thinking it all through. It made perfect sense, which should have bothered her, but enigmatically didn\u2019t.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cSo, I\u2019m going to go now,\u201d Dave told her. \u201cThere\u2019s a married passenger on Deck-3 who\u2019s only half the age of her husband, and he looks like a software billionaire who\u2019s obsessed with a depopulation agenda. Another two weeks and he\u2019ll probably turn into \u2018Emperor Palpatine\u2019.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWho?\u201d she said, confused.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI think he invented cornflakes. I didn\u2019t have the world\u2019s best history teacher. Or maybe I did. Who can tell anymore?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">The Doctor shook her head. \u201cSo I should write a report?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cNah,\u201d Dave told her. \u201cYou\u2019re The Doctor! You don\u2019t write reports\u2014the reports write you! Have fun with it!\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\"><br \/><br \/><\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cHave fun with it, he said,\u201d she said. \u201cBut what fun can I have now that I know the truth?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThe truth?\u201d said Malcolm. \u201cThe truth that you\u2019re a sensitivity councillor on a cargo-ship with a crew of only eight people? The truth that your brain is mostly made from space-whiskey?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">She looked at him with a scowl. \u201cI\u2019m undercover!\u201d she told him.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cAgain?\u201d he said. \u201cYour secret is safe.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cGive me another space-whisky,\u201d she said to the barman.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cYou know the way they make those things is actually remarkably simple,\u201d Malcolm told her.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cI know the truth!\u201d she screeched at him.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cIt\u2019s the genetically-modified juice of a green banana, injected into the eyeballs of a chicken, and the blood is simply drained out for human consumption. There\u2019s nothing disgusting about it at all.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cThat\u2019s what they want you to believe,\u201d she retorted.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cWho, people like Dave?\u201d Malcolm said, smiling to himself.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cDave Brown?\u201d the barman said, handing over a gently vibrating glass of poison. \u201cThe guy who delivers towels on the Nebulous? He dated my sister once, before she had herself turned into a fire extinguisher out of shame. It was the best thing that ever happened to my Mum, because the kitchen caught fire three weeks later.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201c\u2018You can always have more daughters\u2019, my Mum always said, quoting the title of the letter she received from Dave. He seems like a nice guy.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">There was silence, for just a moment.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cOh,\u201d said Malcolm.<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cFire extinguishers might try to take over the universe,\u201d The Doctor said, narrowing her eyes. \u201cOf course, they\u2019ll have little mutant things inside them, and they\u2019ll be super-intelligent and unable to walk up stairs.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cOf course they will,\u201d Malcolm said with a sigh. After watching her down the entire glass in a single gulp, he said, \u201cYou know those things cause massive brain-damage, paranoia, psychosis and delusions? Can you imagine if your whole life was just a paranoid delusion brought on by green bananas and chickens?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">\u201cRight!\u201d she said, grinning at his stupidity. \u201cAnd in reality, I\u2019m just a character in a story, in a universe that only exists in a fictional sense, in the imagination of a sentient brick, where I\u2019m imagining myself to be a councillor, imagining herself to be a Doctor, who imagines herself to be an actress playing a time-travelling alien with a time machine? And all this is fuelled by a drink made from green bananas and chickens? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">Malcolm sighed to himself, turned to the barman and said, \u201cEvery damn sensitivity councillor is the same, aren\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p><p class=\"western\">The barman nodded.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-547c9143 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"547c9143\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9aebd57 elementor-widget elementor-widget-wp-widget-buymeacoffee_widget\" data-id=\"9aebd57\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" 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Read more for FREE!<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-49b76e75 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"49b76e75\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">Read this novel, a collection of weird and wonderful Blips, short stories that defy the rules of reality, such as they are. Download your copy completely free, no signup required.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5bb5c286 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"5bb5c286\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<figure class=\"wp-caption\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?page_id=1860\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"240\" height=\"300\" src=\"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/ssfsfsfsff-240x300.png\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium wp-image-1892\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/ssfsfsfsff-240x300.png 240w, http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/ssfsfsfsff.png 480w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<figcaption class=\"widget-image-caption wp-caption-text\">CLICK ME!<\/figcaption>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7036e849 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"7036e849\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-52cf3dbc elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"52cf3dbc\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_ha_eqh_enable&quot;:false}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-background-overlay\"><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-35dc1b72\" data-id=\"35dc1b72\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-2d65a9c8 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"2d65a9c8\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_ha_eqh_enable&quot;:false}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1de6b77b\" data-id=\"1de6b77b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7b519007 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7b519007\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><strong>Many thanks for giving us this chance. We hope you enjoyed the free story and are encouraged to read more. If you choose to buy a book from us you\u2019re supporting new independent authors and helping us to build this site and create more new content.<\/strong><\/p><p><strong>If you liked what you saw then please also consider reading our free books, other short stories and articles. Help support us to help support the future of independent fiction.<\/strong><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here you can read an entire short story, completely free. Blips are strictly less than two thousand words, or maybe more, and typically have a surprise twist in the tail. These stories are free for you to download and share but please link back to us so we can build our site and create more [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-short-stories-around-2000-words-or-less"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - 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