{"id":2237,"date":"2021-07-12T16:04:06","date_gmt":"2021-07-12T15:04:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=2237"},"modified":"2022-06-30T06:40:48","modified_gmt":"2022-06-30T05:40:48","slug":"august-17th-2085-2337","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/edgeverse.org\/?p=2237","title":{"rendered":"August 17th 2085, 23:37"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Here you can read an entire short story, completely free. Blips are strictly less than two thousand words, or maybe more, and typically have a surprise twist in the tale. \nThese stories are free for you to download and share but please link back to us so we can build our site and create more free content. \nThanks very much for visiting. Please enjoy the story. <\/h6>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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This Blip came about when a very strange and surreal thing happened to Seth, and he demanded that we all write a story about it. I\u2019ve no idea what it was, I respect his privacy. All we were given as a writing prompt was a date, some time in the future and the assurance that if we didn\u2019t do it, he would reveal our internet search history to the world.
So, here are 4 takes on what this date means, in the form of a story that\u2019s more-or-less, more or less than 200 words, or less. Or more.<\/p>



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August 17th 2085, 23:37<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Mr Biggly wrote something on the board with his ancient Biggly-board marker. It had been refilled more times than the stainless steel flask of cheap supermarket brandy he kept secured in his left pocket, and the nib was flattened down, smearing the letters broadly across the glassy surface. It squeaked loudly, grating on Silver\u2019s nerves.<\/p>

Nobody else seemed to have noticed.<\/p>

\u201c1985,\u201d he said, pointing to the very same thing drawn on the board. \u201cAugust 17th<\/sup> at exactly 23:37. That was my birthday, if anyone cares.\u201d<\/p>

Silver groaned inwardly, fearing she already knew where this was going\u2014all new teachers did this in their first couple of weeks.<\/p>

\u201cBut, what do you think the future will be like in the year 2085?\u201d<\/p>

Silver groaned fairly loudly, as several other students around her did the same.<\/p>

\u201cCheng,\u201d the teacher said, pointing to a boy at the back of the class who was on the verge of falling asleep. He straightened and looked behind him, earning himself a flurry of chuckles from around the room.<\/p>

\u201cMe?\u201d he said, pointing to himself.<\/p>

Mr Biggly sighed. \u201cYes, you, Cheng. The only \u2018Cheng\u2019 in the room, and the only one I\u2019m pointing at.\u201d<\/p>

Cheng laughed awkwardly.<\/p>

\u201cWhat do you think the future will be like in 2085?\u201d Mr Biggly asked.<\/p>

He screwed his face up thoughtfully. \u201cI think we\u2019ll all be dead.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat a tragic waste of such potential,\u201d the teacher grumbled, rolling his eyes. \u201cDoes anyone\u2019s imagination extend beyond the sad tale of their own demise?\u201d<\/p>

Everyone in class looked away, avoiding his eyes as they searched for someone to pick on.<\/p>

\u201cSilver!\u201d he said loudly.<\/p>

There was an annoying chuckle from beside her.<\/p>

With a wry grin, she pointed to herself. \u201cMe?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t you start,\u201d he growled.<\/p>

\u201cIt won\u2019t be much different,\u201d she said. \u201cIt never is, is it?\u201d<\/p>

He narrowed his eyes and huffed. \u201cThat\u2019s a bit cynical from someone as young as you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut nothing important ever changes. Sure, we switched from royalty to dictatorships, and then to democracies, but nothing really changed. It\u2019s the same people in control as it always was.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s only the names of things that change.\u201d<\/p>

Mr Biggly sighed, but looked vaguely impressed. \u201cWhat about technology?\u201d he said. \u201cThat changes people\u2019s lives.\u201d<\/p>

He looked around and pointed to a girl near the front. She was sitting with a painfully straight back, and was always grinning for reasons that nobody had quite worked out.<\/p>

\u201cOur phones will be better!\u201d she said with a strangely sing-song voice and overwhelming enthusiasm. \u201cThey\u2019ll be able to do more stuff.\u201d<\/p>

Mr Biggly looked like he was rapidly running out of sighs. \u201cSuch as?\u201d<\/p>

She looked away wistfully. \u201cThey\u2019ll have personalities. We could date our phones, and they\u2019d have to love us or we can just smash them in half. They\u2019ll also be thinner and they won\u2019t need batteries. They\u2019ll just charge by sunlight.\u201d<\/p>

She frowned thoughtfully for a moment, and then continued with a new-found enthusiasm.<\/p>

\u201cIf you put an egg on them, they\u2019ll be able to cook it.\u201d<\/p>

Cheng said, from the back of the class, \u201cYou\u2019ve never been on a date, have you?\u201d<\/p>

That earned him a louder, longer chuckle.<\/p>

A hand went up from the middle of the class. Silver turned to see a small, younger girl. She had moved up from a lower grade from sheer hard work. She was not popular.<\/p>

She asked, \u201cWill there be education in 2085?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIs there any now?\u201d Silver countered, a little louder than she intended.<\/p>

Mr Biggly glared at her, and shook his head. \u201cI worry about that. Education is declining and people are getting less and less capable. Will we need education in the future? Will the people want a smart, intelligent and informed population, or will they just let their leaders and their phones run the world?\u201d<\/p>

Silver added, \u201cAs I said, nothing changes!\u201d<\/p>

Mr Biggly looked at her and nodded sadly. \u201cIndeed!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cFlying cars!\u201d a young boy said softly from somewhere in the back. \u201cI want a flying car.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cFlying cars?\u201d repeated Silver\u2019s best friend Rya, incredulously. \u201cYou crashed your car into a coffee stand last week. If there are flying cars, I either don\u2019t want you to have one, or I want someone to invent indestructible umbrellas and give them out free!\u201d<\/p>

Silver chuckled at what was an uncharacteristically amusing outburst.<\/p>

\u201cRobots!\u201d A young man sitting next to Cheng said with a slightly glazed look in his eyes. \u201cRobots that look and feel exactly like humans, but, you know, do whatever you tell them. You know, they do whatever <\/i>you tell them!\u201d<\/p>

Cheng playfully slapped him round the back of the head and tutted at him. \u201cYou\u2019ve never been on a date either, have you!\u201d<\/p>

The boy who still owed the coffee-seller several thousand dollars said, \u201cAt least not with Rya!\u201d<\/p>

Silver looked at Rya, who now had an angry look on her face. \u201cYou\u2019re nothing like a robot,\u201d she said comfortingly. \u201cRobots are meant to be artificially<\/i> intelligent, and you\u2019re clearly not!\u201d<\/p>

Rya\u2019s face softened. \u201cThanks, Silver. That means a lot!\u201d<\/p>

Silver grinned to herself.<\/p>

\u201cSo,\u201d Mr Biggly said loudly, bringing the class back to order. \u201cIn the future, we may have sentient robots, flying cars, phones that we date and make eggs for us, and a political system that hasn\u2019t changed since men first climbed down from the trees.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd we\u2019re all dead!\u201d Cheng added.<\/p>

\u201cAnd we\u2019re all dead,\u201d Mr Biggly repeated.<\/p>

\u201cShall we just write an essay?\u201d Silver suggested, holding up her notebook.<\/p>

\u201cYeah!\u201d he shrugged. \u201cWrite an essay!\u201d<\/p>



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August 17th 2085, 23:37<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u201cYou use electric toothbrush, right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat kind? It left right left right wavy kind, or lateral whirly kind?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cUm\u2026 Given a choice of those two, I\u2019d say the second one.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLateral whirly type. I think so\u2014Dr. Fang never lie. See here, visible portion of tooth so beautiful! I eat dinner off. Couldn\u2019t be cleaner. But under gum, especially rear molar and wisdom teeth, so dirty. It like toilet in your mouth. I see cleaner teeth on shit eating ape! So much bacteria under gum line. Electric toothbrush\u2014especially lateral whirly kind\u2014no good no good! You need give it good go over once, twice week, with regular toothbrush. If you no do something different, you get gum disease, all your teeth fall out! You want that, huh?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cAm I in danger of that happening now?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cNo. Not danger. Now, I clean up for you. Get gum line spotless. Dr. Fang sensitive to delicate sissy patient needs. Just remember\u2014do something different\u2014come back three months.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cYeah, I could do that\u2026 Or I could just do what I\u2019ve always done, come back in three months, and let you clean it up again.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cCould do could do. But thinking broken. I old man, you young. I die, you have absolutely ages left to live. When that happens, you do nothing different, your teeth are fucked! Who going to clean them? Not me! I dead!\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019ll find a way. You always do!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYeah, I regular hero.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou know, I have to ask, is the date on your Dentist\u2019s Desktop correct?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cWhat you mean, ah?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s just that it says it\u2019s 23:37. I knew it was late, but I didn\u2019t think it was that late.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cNo no no, clock fast clock fast. I lose remote control, can\u2019t change.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cOh right. Now I look closer, I also notice it say it\u2019s 17th August 2085. I\u2019m pretty sure it was May 2021 when I got here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cRemote control broken broken. You know how is.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cYeah, I know how it is.\u201d<\/p>

\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>

I didn\u2019t know how it was.<\/p>

Something was very off about that conversation. I\u2019ve used all kinds of machines in the past, and any time the internal battery runs out, or it resets for some other reason, the time always reverts to some time in the early 70s, or more recently if it\u2019s a custom built system. The date and time is never in the future. Ever!<\/span><\/p>

Something else was going on here, and I decided I was going to get to the bottom of it.<\/span><\/p>

It wasn\u2019t easy. The Dentist\u2019s Desktop is a very specialised piece of equipment, and very little information is available publicly, because nobody cares enough about it to make it so. It\u2019s a screen that sits in front of the patient so the dentist can show photos of their teeth from inside their mouth instantly. I was going to have to find an operating manual, or at the very least talk to somebody that understands how it works.<\/span><\/p>

As it turned out this was a lot easier to achieve than I had assumed. The company responsible for the Dentist\u2019s Desktop was a start-up funded by the Kaleidoscope Conglomeration, which had originated as an offshoot of a research operation. Their offices were right here in London, and a single phone call was all it took to get an interview with the man responsible. <\/span><\/p>

Evidently he\u2019s very proud of his creation, and loves talking about it to anyone who will listen, which is normally nobody.<\/span><\/p>

I turned up at their offices at the prescribed time, with an audio recorder loaded with fresh batteries. I was going to find out as much as I could about this system, get to the bottom of the mystery, and didn\u2019t want to miss a single detail!<\/span><\/p>

The man, Mr. Gaultier, greeted me enthusiastically at reception, and escorted me to a small meeting room intended for facility visitors. It came with free coffee, which was surprisingly good, albeit somewhat generic tasting.<\/span><\/p>

The Dentist\u2019s Desktop, as it turned out, had quite an interesting history.<\/span><\/p>

Carbon dating as a method of determining the ages of ancient relics had pretty much hit a brick wall, so his research facility had been looking into a newer method of dating, that scans the genetic structure of anything that had once lived, and by analysing the cellular entropy, it could put a fairly accurate date on when it died. At first he\u2019d just aimed for an approximate century, but by funnelling down the research, he found he could actually get the precise year, then the day, then the actual minute with near perfect accuracy. It was quite an achievement.<\/span><\/p>

What really impressed him though was his experimentation on primates. He found that by scanning the teeth of a still living ape, the machine could analyse the reverse entropy and predict the precise minute it would die. The precise minute!<\/span><\/p>

He hoped that this new technology would rock the scientific community, and put his name in lights above the entrance to the hallowed halls of historical recognition. He simply wasn\u2019t prepared for the silence he was greeted by. Crickets! <\/span><\/p>

Dating relics is one thing, but evidently nobody wants to know when an ape is going to die. Apparently there\u2019s just no market for that. When he suggested they consider the possibilities, it occurred to him that he couldn\u2019t think of any either.<\/span><\/p>

However, the analysis his scanner was able to perform could be pivoted upon, and he started redirecting his research instead towards a system that could analyse human teeth, detect problems before they occurred, and recommend treatments. <\/span><\/p>

A mobile varient also proved highly efficient at detecting the best watermelon\u2019s in the supermarket, but he couldn\u2019t get anybody to back this, as everyone just wants phones that can cook eggs these days. <\/span><\/p>

So with that, the Dentist\u2019s Desktop was born, and became a household name among households with very talkative dentists in them.<\/span><\/p>

With a wink, he told me of an Easter Egg he planted. He left the reverse entropy Al-Gore-isms in place, and occasionally it will shows the date and time the patient will die. <\/span><\/p>

This left me with questions.<\/p>

\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>

\u201cYou use electric toothbrush, right?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat kind? It left right left right wavy kind, or lateral whirly kind?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cThe first one.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cI know this. See here, visible portion of tooth so beautiful! I eat dinner off. Couldn\u2019t be cleaner. But under gum, especially rear molar and wisdom teeth, so dirty. It like toilet in your mouth.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cSo you\u2019ll clean it up for me?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI clean. Every time I clean clean. You come Dr. Fang for love. Other dentist know only drill. You want drill, huh? Do something different, come back three months.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cThank you! I actually have a question while I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI entirely comprised of ears!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThe last time I was here, there was a strange date on your Dentist\u2019s Desktop. You mentioned you\u2019d lost or broken the remote control.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cThat right. Racoon run off with. No change date. Dr. Fang never lie!\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cWell, I was wondering if perhaps you made an exception on this instance.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cHow you mean, what you mean?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cTo put it bluntly, did it show me the date and time that I will die?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat simple?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo ifs or buts?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo ifs or buts. That is day you die.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo, I could go out there and throw caution to the wind and effectively be immortal for the next 60 plus years?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cImmortal, yes. If do nothing different.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m sorry?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo nothing different, you invincible for the next 60 years.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo something different, date and time change. Do nothing different, that is day you die.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cDifferent compared to what though\u2026?\u201d<\/span><\/p>

\u201cAlso, your teeth fucked! You choose!\u201d<\/span><\/p>



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August 17th 2085, 23:37<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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While his robot was outside parking his flying car, he excitedly tore open the box in front of him. Plastered on his face was a silly, childish grin, as silly, childish excitement took hold of him.<\/p>

There was a sense of anticipation all around the gigantic, glass-walled coffee shop as patrons sat with boxes of their own, ripping at them or admiring the contents.<\/p>

\u201cYou know it won\u2019t go live for several minutes yet?\u201d Darrius told him, his own box sat on the table between them, unmolested. \u201cThe whole thing isn\u2019t guaranteed to work until midnight, even though it will probably come on early.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBits of it will still work!\u201d Crill said sternly. \u201cWhy are you always such a miserable funrick?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cA funrick?\u201d Darrius said with an angry frown. \u201cYou can\u2019t say that to me, that\u2019s our<\/i> word!\u201d<\/p>

Crill hung his head and sighed to himself. \u201cI acknowledge the unintended offence rendered, and assume responsibility,\u201d he said sadly, remembering the correctly worded apology from that week\u2019s \u2018Sensitivity Class.\u2019 \u201cAs the cursed melanin-deprived face extinction, it is wrong for us, your betters, to berate you. You were to right to reprimand me, humbled as I am.\u201d That sounded about right.<\/p>

Darrius tutted and crossed his arms. \u201cFunrick!\u201d he said to himself. \u201cNext, you\u2019ll be attacking me for my gender.\u201d<\/p>

Crill shrugged and turned his attention back to the box, losing all interest in anything else. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t know how,\u201d he admitted. \u201cThe whole \u2018gender\u2019 thing is so complex now that I just leave it well alone. My auxiliary parental unit identified as a \u2018Third-Level Co-Binary Oxypaternal Soft-Mascotype\u2019 on his last work personnel audit, and was told he was being over-sensitive. People are offended by that now.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes!\u201d Darrius agreed with a nod. \u201cYou can\u2019t afford to be over-sensitive these days. It\u2019s offensive to the under-sensitive.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m not worried,\u201d Crill said with a proud smile as he gestured to his box. \u201cMy new phone has an app for that. It will warn us if we\u2019re wrong-thinking, and will issue an immediate correction. I can\u2019t wait! I\u2019ll never be accused of being clumsy or stupid again\u2014except by my phone!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s not just your<\/i> phone!\u201d Darrius said, frowning at his best friend, who had been assigned to him many years prior for reasons of diversity management. \u201cEveryone on the planet is getting a new phone, absolutely free, and they all do the exact same thing! It\u2019s going to connect every living human to the new network.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAre they?\u201d Crill rolled his eyes thoughtfully. \u201cNo, of course they are. I knew that.\u201d He sipped at some very soft and inexplicably sweet coffee, served from a recycled paper cup.<\/p>

Darrius looked at his box with a hint of incredulity. \u201cI don\u2019t like it. Why would they give us all a brand new free phone? It doesn\u2019t make sense.\u201d<\/p>

Crill sighed at him and explained, \u201cBecause we\u2019ve earned it!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHow did you earn it?\u201d Darrius asked. \u201cYou\u2019ve not done a day\u2019s work since I\u2019ve known you!\u201d<\/p>

Crill laughed and then stopped, a moment before his laughter could be considered emotionally harmful, but only just. \u201cYou don\u2019t earn things by working!\u201d he told his ridiculous friend. \u201cI say the right things on the \u2018Social Ranking Appraisal Platform! That\u2019s why I\u2019m given things.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cTwister?\u201d Darrius huffed in annoyance. \u201cMy grandfather said there used to be dozens of such platforms. It must have been a glorious time to be alive!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat sounds exhausting!\u201d Crill grumbled. He swiped his box up from the table and began pulling at the corners again. It was constructed from a very smart form of recycled paper that appeared to be in a constant state of recycling itself, the effect being that every tear was healing almost immediately. Finally, he just ripped it up, the side snapping away from the rest and the contents sliding out.<\/p>

\u201cOoooo\u2026\u201d he said, dreadfully impressed. \u201cIt\u2019s even thinner and more transparent than I thought.\u201d<\/p>

Darrius leant forwards, his efforts to look entirely disinterested melting away very conspicuously. \u201cI hear it\u2019s powered by sunlight. Who could have imagined that?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI hear if you put eggs on it, it can actually cook them!\u201d Crill told him.<\/p>

\u201cWhat?\u201d Darrius looked up suddenly. \u201cWho on Earth told you that?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMy auxiliary parental unit!\u201d he said defensively. \u201cWhy can\u2019t phones cook eggs? There\u2019s probably a dozen apps for that!\u201d<\/p>

Darrius shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t know about cooking eggs, but there are a lot of new apps. I\u2019ll give you that one.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThe most interesting one is the \u2018Stop-Watch\u2019 app,\u201d Crill said. He looked back to his phone and began gently cradling it, gazing lovingly into its lifeless screen.<\/p>

Darrius rolled his eyes. He began shaking his head and biting his bottom lip. \u201cI wanted to opt out of that one, but there was no way. I can\u2019t believe they make you do it.\u201d<\/p>

Crill hugged his shiny new phone, tightly pulling it towards an exposed lump of his flabby, sweaty flesh, poking not shyly enough from the top of his shirt. He looked up with bewildered eyes. \u201cWhy would you want to opt out? It\u2019s a fantastic idea. It watches everything in the entire world, and lets you know when you\u2019re going to stop!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI know what it does!\u201d Darrius snapped. \u201cAn app that gives you a one-hour warning before you\u2019re going to die, to give you enough time to say your goodbyes to your loved ones. Everyone know what it does!\u201d<\/p>

Crill frowned at him. \u201cI think it\u2019s clever!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s clever alright,\u201d Darrius said. \u201cThey\u2019ve included a critical-safe processing architecture in every one of these new phones that watches everything. It knows your dental and medical data, it knows all of your environmental information, distance from every local kebab shop, and it constantly works out all of the odds of every event around you with such staggering accuracy that it can predict the moment of death with 99.9998% certainty. The chances of it being wrong are so small that the computer working it out thinks it probably made a mistake about it.\u201d<\/p>

Crill grinned. \u201cSo I\u2019m right!\u201d he said proudly. \u201cIt is<\/i> clever. It\u2019s the smartest Al-Gore-ithm ever invented.\u201d<\/p>

Darrius sighed to himself, quite loudly. \u201cYou spelled that wrong!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo!\u201d Crill said. \u201cHe\u2019s the man who invented the internet and global-warming. He was a genius!\u201d<\/p>

Darrius closed his eyes as his head shook just a little more vigorously. \u201cRight\u2026\u201d He sighed and continued, \u201cBut to allow this algorithm<\/i> to work, do you realise what they\u2019ve had to give it control of? The system is in charge of everything now. It can do absolutely anything.\u201d<\/p>

Crill grinned. \u201cLike cook an egg!\u201d<\/p>

Darrius looked away, his expression a mixture of slight disgust and a more pointed form of absolute disgust.<\/p>

\u201cI mean, that\u2019s good, right?\u201d Crill said absently. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t long ago that all the world leaders were executed for crimes against humanity. Isn\u2019t it better that our phones run the world?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat if the phones are corrupt, or try to wipe out humanity?\u201d Darrius said loudly, sounding a little frustrated by all this.<\/p>

\u201cWe\u2019ll just execute them all for crimes against humanity,\u201d Crill said with a shrug, as if this was all very easy to understand. Indeed, he was a bit confused at how Darrius wasn\u2019t able to keep up.<\/p>

\u201cOh look!\u201d Crill cried out, pointing excitedly at his new phone. \u201cIt lit up blue. It\u2019s activating early.\u201d<\/p>

Darrius glared at it accusingly.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s thinking!\u201d Crill told him, repeating what the adverts had told him. \u201cIt will take just a few seconds for the system to wake up and then integrate itself. It will go through our history-books and study everything before deciding what to do. Amazing, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>

Darrius rolled his eyes. \u201cAmazing.\u201d<\/p>

\u2018Update Complete,\u2019 flashed on the screen in large blue letters. A bar of lights scrolled up the side.<\/p>

Crill said excitedly, \u201cIt\u2019s doing something! Exciting, isn\u2019t it? I bet it\u2019s going to have a really cool personality and I\u2019m going to want to date it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes,\u201d Darrius agreed sarcastically. \u201cWhat could be better?\u201d<\/p>

Suddenly an alarm bleeped from the phone screen and it flashed red. The words, \u2018Stop-Watch\u2019 appeared on the top and a one hour countdown began, the seconds ticking slowly away.<\/p>

Identical bleeps came from all around the shop. People began gazing at their phones, with looks on their faces ranging from slightly concerned to outright horrified, and everything in-between. Beyond the glass walls, people had stopped walking past and were holding their transparent new devices up to their faces, gazing through them.<\/p>

People did not look happy!<\/p>

Darrius looked absolutely, completely and undeniably terrified.<\/p>

Crill pointed to his screen and grinned. \u201cI wonder what this means?\u201d he said.<\/p>

Darius opened his mouth but nothing much of anything came out of it. There was a muffled squeaking sound, but it was lost amidst the rest of the muffled squeaking sounds from all around.<\/p>

Crill raised his hand to the waiter, who was glaring with an angry, bewildered expression at his own new communications device. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019ve got a plan!\u201d he said.<\/p>

Darrius looked as though he had just dared to hope.<\/p>

The waiter very slowly looked up to him, their eyes meeting.<\/p>

Crill smirked as his cunning plan reached the culmination, \u201cWaiter?\u201d he said with a widening grin of smug self-satisfaction. \u201cCan I get an egg?\u201d<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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August 17th 2085, 23:37<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Friday 17th August, 2085<\/p>

\u201cJesus Christ, the same! Yesterday, today, and forever!\u201d <\/i><\/p>

Hebrews 13:8, The Bible<\/i><\/p>



<\/p>

23:37<\/p>

At Woking Station I alight.<\/p>

The Northern exit.<\/p>

Across the road, it\u2019s there,<\/p>

Shining like a beacon,<\/p>

An oasis of ecstasy,<\/p>

The universal constant.<\/p>

There since the dawn of time.<\/p>

The purveyor of pita,<\/p>

And the lustful fillings therein.<\/p>

The kebab shop.<\/i><\/p>



<\/p>

\u201cFor where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them, setting up a kebab shop.\u201d<\/i><\/p>



<\/p>

The name has changed many times since my first visit,<\/p>

Some 80 years prior.<\/p>

Perhaps the owners too.<\/p>

Perhaps not.<\/p>

It always seems to be the same people.<\/p>

Perhaps all the kebab emporia in all the world,<\/p>

Are different aspects of the self same shop,<\/p>

And the people that staff them,<\/p>

Not people as we may know them,<\/p>

But mere reflections of the same oneness,<\/p>

A god in human guise,<\/p>

Many and one together.<\/p>

Unnamed, unknown,<\/p>

Never seen anywhere but behind a counter,<\/p>

Never lowering themselves to speak our base words,<\/p>

Required to sell kebabs,<\/p>

And sometimes chips in pita bread,<\/p>

Coated in chilli sauce,<\/p>

Ambrosia from Istanbul,<\/p>

With a couple of martian willies,<\/p>

As a finishing flourish.<\/p>



<\/p>

I stand in line with my futuristic phone,<\/p>

Waiting to place my order.<\/p>

Medium doner, salad, chilli sauce,<\/p>

Two martian willies.<\/p>

More people come in.<\/p>

An argument erupts, as it always does,<\/p>

A kebab flies across the counter,<\/p>

Gracelessly slapping the wall,<\/p>

As its meaty contents explode raptuously.<\/p>

The owner shakes his head.<\/p>

Not his business.<\/p>

Kebab already paid for.<\/p>

The two men take it outside.<\/p>

Honour to be restored.<\/p>

But what they\u2019re doing isn\u2019t fighting,<\/p>

They\u2019re hugging each other,<\/p>

Pushing each other against the storefront glass,<\/p>

Slapping each other on the backs.<\/p>

A police siren blips.<\/p>

\u201cOi! Break it up you two!\u201d<\/p>

The two men stare down the officer.<\/p>

\u201cWe ain\u2019t done nuffin.\u201d<\/p>

And they ain\u2019t.<\/p>

\u201cYeah! Get in your car and fling yer \u2018ook!\u201d<\/p>

The officer shrugs, and drives away.<\/p>

Everyone cheers.<\/p>

The two men shake hands and laugh.<\/p>

Like old friends.<\/p>

Nobody needs a dentist tonight.<\/p>



<\/p>

My kebab is ready.<\/p>

Rolled in paper, I tuck it in my bag.<\/p>

Some things are better enjoyed at home.<\/p>

I catch the bus outside the station.<\/p>

Half full with tired souls.<\/p>

Or perhaps half empty.<\/p>

Or perhaps the bus is too big.<\/p>

I sit near the front.<\/p>

An old woman jabs me in the rib.<\/p>

\u201cWould you mind not eating that here?\u201d<\/p>

I\u2019m not eating anything.<\/p>

I explain as much.<\/p>

My stop is coming up soon,<\/p>

Except there is no stop.<\/p>

I need to ring the bell,<\/p>

Except there is no bell to ring.<\/p>

Instead, in the vicinity of my home,<\/p>

I have to raise my voice<\/p>

\u201cCan I get off here please!\u201d<\/p>

This always fills me with dread.<\/p>

I don\u2019t know why.<\/p>

But, get off I do!<\/p>



<\/p>

Home at last.<\/p>

The kebab of promise sits on my table,<\/p>

The delightful scents cascading.<\/p>

Lovingly I unwrap it,<\/p>

Mouth watering,<\/p>

Tummy rumbling.<\/p>

Unbelievable,<\/p>

Yet entirely predictable,<\/p>

Expectation mounting,<\/p>

But\u2026<\/p>

They forgot the martian willies.<\/p>

For 80 years, week after week,<\/p>

Time after time,<\/p>

They always forget the martian willies.<\/p>

For it is scripture,<\/p>

And it must be so.<\/p>

Nothing changes.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Like what you see? Read more for FREE!<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Read this novel, a collection of weird and wonderful Blips, short stories that defy the rules of reality, such as they are. Download your copy completely free, no signup required.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Many thanks for giving us this chance. We hope you enjoyed the free story and are encouraged to read more. If you choose to buy a book from us you\u2019re supporting new independent authors and helping us to build this site and create more new content.<\/strong><\/p>

If you liked what you saw then please also consider reading our free books, other short stories and articles. Help support us to help support the future of independent fiction.<\/strong><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here you can read an entire short story, completely free. Blips are strictly less than two thousand words, or maybe more, and typically have a surprise twist in the tale. 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